Since my life is not all about aerospace…
I have never in my life looked at a man and thought, “I want a piece of that.” Until this past year. Not that I want a piece of that exactly. I just want to follow Manu Chao and the Michael character from Burn Notice around (not the actor, the character) and lick their bare chests. Or something like that. It’s still a bit unclear since they’re not my type.
This all began with the Jack In The Box™ commercials man… aka Jack Box®. About a year ago I suddenly had a yen to see him wearing only his Mr. Box head. I wanted to see naked Jack on my TV.
After spending two years on IRC back in the early-mid ’90s I was sure there was no fetish I’d not heard about. In great detail. So I went searching for like-minded Mr. Box pervs. None to be found! Surely I wasn’t the only one! Or was I?
A few days ago I was visiting a friend who works the check-out counter at my favorite Thrift Store. The one non-poseur chick in Tucson with purple hair showed up. We were all at the counter (her in her 40s, me in my late 50s, and my friend in her mid-60s) when – out of the blue – I asked my friend if she’d gone into heat again in her 50s. She didn’t know what I meant. Purple hair laughed and said, “You know… sex?” My friend laughed. No, she hadn’t.
I said I’d developed this fetish for Mr. Box, that I wanted to see him naked, wearing only his head. Purple Hair said, “You know, I’ve been thinking about that too.” I told her I’d not been able to find anyone online who shared this fascination and how I found that odd. She replied, “It’s not exactly something most people would talk about.” I considered that for a few seconds. Hmm… possibly. Which led to her telling me about how all the Ronald McDonald® fetish-istas were coming out of the closet. Euuuch! A mention of furries (which we explained to my friend by using a stuffed animal as a prop) and a chat about our experiences with certain body piercings followed.
The customers in line were the usual Tucson-ians aged in their 40s and up. I didn’t think they’d want to hear about such things while waiting to pay for their used books and clothing. Until some 60-something white-haired male customer, a very sedate and normal looking guy, said loudly: “You know, if you write about this ask if anyone will do naked Jack having sex with one of the female M&M’s™. I’d like to see that!”
I burst out laughing! The other customers standing in line seemed to find it funny too. “Wow, you’re fun!” I said. “What’s your name?” How I love it when older typical looking people turn out to be weirder than younger people who look weird!
When I told my daughter about it all she said, “How did you ever come up with that? You’re all nuts! You know that, right?” And what would she have done if she’d been in line? She’d have moved closer so she wouldn’t miss a word.
Want more Jack?
Wiki is the best site for all things Jack Box. Includes his birth date, other info and a link to a funny Adam Carolla podcast featuring “Dick Sittig, in character as Jack, discussing other restaurant mascots, the fast food business and general listener Q&A.”
YouTube: Jack in the Box French Fries Commercial with Jack’s voice replaced with Jack Nicholson dubs.
Jack in the Box is trademarked by Jack in the Box® Inc.
M&M’s Brand® is trademarked by Mars Inc.
Ronald McD® is trademarked by McDonald’s Inc. Fun gallery on Unreality Magazine: “The 20 Most Terrifying Pictures of Ronald McDonald Ever“